I'm no mathematician but I know that 90 is bigger than 20 so a lot of us are wrong.

Maybe we're not though.. Maybe 70 per cent of us just prefer to keep ourselves grounded and away from any elaborate poker super-stardom by using some of these inspirationally bad techniques from time to time.. That's my excuse anyway - What's yours?

Good bad poker requires a well-developed, bordering on supernatural ability to interpret bad decisions as good ones - A bulletproof 400% confidence that it's always someone else's fault - or at least the cards - is vital.

The Power Tilt

On losing 30% or more of your stack,
bet the rest as soon as possible

One of heroic poker's fundamental disciplines is the ability to tilt sooner, faster and more blatantly than the rest of the table after any remotely significant loss.

The loss itself should be given minimal attention. Focus should be set firmly on getting back at the obliviously fluky opponents who clearly aren't in the top 20% of players in the world when you unquestionably are.

Hand selection is crucial.

The power tilt is a double-or-nothing attempt to out-idiot these opponents and pass on your aggravation to someone else by scoring a chance victory over them with a suitably pathetic starting hand.

A suited won't have the same effect.

Not only will power tilting get your money back a stonking 20% of the time, but a 56 offsuit river straight always outweighs the irritation of losing to such feeble opposition.

Tips: Be out of position and consider an aimless "up yours" - /rude - before pushing to increase your chances of a call. Don't be fooled by the so-called "logic" behind making a casual reload.

Obsessive Compulsive Calling Disorder - O.C.C.D

If you're 90% sure you've been outdrawn,
call anyway to prove yourself right

One of the best techniques for proving that PKR is rigged, the I-told-you-so call to end a hand you were originally winning is another timeless technique for heroic poker enthusiasts.

Ooh nice - ok, slow play.. slow play.... slow pl- SHIT!

Poker hates everyone - especially you. Recognising when it's after you with backdoor straights and 4-on-the-board flushes gives you a great opportunity to prove that you are, in fact, the unluckiest player in the world.

The rest of the table needs to know how dense this guy is and how cataclysmically unfair the cards just were to your ingenious trapping manoeuvre.

Tips: Never let 4 suited cards put you off a straight, trips or even 2 pair - These hands are not foldable and there's a good 2 maybe 3% chance they're bluffing anyway..

Trans-Atlantic Tunnel Vision

There's nothing more important than
the two cards in front of you

Poker's ever-elusive long term, which no-one ever actually reaches, causes people to make stupid decisions like folding kings just because there's an ace on the board.

These know-it-all decisions completely overlook bluffing, the 6% chance of catching trips and that the opponent might be holding the other two kings.

Playing big pocket pairs is one of the most widely respected and regularly practiced legendary poker techniques - It's not whether to move all-in, it's when.

Tips: Pay attention to nothing - Always remember that the cards in the middle and the other players are only there to distract you.

There's loads of poker how-to's out there but not a lot of how not to's. If there's any legendary techniques you've used or seen used before, let me know and I'll add them to future posts.